Friday, May 23, 2008

No

Dear A___________

I have now read your complete typescript.

I do think you write really well but I think there is a problem with the over-convoluted structure which makes for a rather disjointed, uninvolving read. I like the initial switches from the crime scene to the other characters but they need to be very focussed and highly plotted, and the timescale needs to be much clearer. After a while they become more confusing and distracting. At the moment it is lacking in narrative drive and tension (and it is also too long - it could be cut by at least 100 pages). There is also too much rather waffly dialogue which does not move the story on. I was left wondering what the point was - and also I was not sure who I was meant to be rooting for. It also sends mixed messages - part police procedural, part suspense, but the two strands are difficult to follow at the same time.

I would be interested to see your next work but I think this needs a massive rethink. I regret it is not something I could successfully handle. Thank you for letting me see your work which I am returning herewith.

With best wishes

Yours sincerely

J_____ M_____

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She's totally right, of course. The bright side, I suppose, is it looks like I can take this as an invitation to send her the 'full' of my next WIP (when it's done) without first sending a partial and waiting for her response.

1 Comments:

Blogger Nik's Blog said...

Encouraging, hey? Really glad you agreed with what was said - best of luck with the new one or with this if you decide to rewrite.

Nik

12:03 pm  

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